Quotes by Derek Landy

I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered.“You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained ina variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world,” Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m fairly certain that makes you a weapon.”“I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.”“I’ll buy you a stick for Christmas.

What would killing the Elders result in? Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?

The man had a smooth voice, like velvet. “I’m Detective Inspector Me. Unusual name, I know. My family were incredibly narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?”“I am.”“Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?”“Sure,” Kenny said, slightly baffled.“Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you of murder.

Is he all scarred now?”“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.

He crouched at the car window and looked in. What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. Theyre all lovely. Except for that one. His finger jabbed the glass. That ones a bit ugly.

Oh, China. How I have missed you.And I have missed you, Eliza. But dont worry, next time my aim will be better.

Im sorry, said the shopkeeper. I cant understand your ridiculous accent.My accent?It is quite silly.So you cant understand me?Not a word.Then how did you understand that?I didnt. You didnt understand what I just said?Thats right.You understood that, though.Not at all.The American glowered.

It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I havent had a chance to do it nearly as much as Id like.

You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects? He waved his hand. Oh, I was only joking about that. I dont really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.

Is that it?”“No. That’s a wall.”“It could be disguised.”“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.

We can do this the easy way, Oblivious snarled. Or the hard way.Whats the easy way?You leave immediately.And whats the hard way?We make you leave.Skulduggerys head tilted. What was the easy way again?

Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly.“What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder intoan art form?”“But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I readyour file.”He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t

Cheer up everyone, he said, a new brightness to his voice. Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?

He took her hand in his and knelt before her. Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. (...)Dude, Im sixteen.I love you.That doesnt make me any older. Stand up.Not until you say yes.Youre going to shuffle around on your knees for the rest of your life? Stand up, for Gods sake.Be my wife. Shut the hell up.

I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.

China is the same age as I am, and even I have to admit that she wears it better! He laughed, then stopped and peered at her. Because Im a skeleton he explained.

When I meet people, I no longer say Hi, Im Derek Landy, pleased to meet you. Now I say Hi, Im number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.

You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.No I wouldnt, Valkyries dad said, stepping into earshot. Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included eating breakfast, showering, and finding my trousers. Of those three, I only managed two. Without looking down, can you guess which one I missed?... Fletcher smiled back. I just want to borrow Stephanie for a moment.Take our daughter, Valkryies dad said, waving a hand airily. We have another one now.

Come on. I know youre not a stupid man.Im quite stupid. Ask anyone.Finbar, are there superheroes living among us? Finbar snorted with laughter and Kenny started to feel a little thick. Superheroes? In tights and capes, flying around? If there were superheroes, Mr. Journalist, dont you think theyd be in New York or somewhere like that? Theres not that many tall buildings for Spiderman to swing from in Dublin, you know? Hed have maybe two good swings and then hang there looking disappointed. These people dont wear tights and capes, Finbar.So theyre naked superheroes? Thats grand for now, but when the good weather is over theyre going to regret it.They look like us. They dress like us. But theyre not like us. Theyre different.You, Finbar said. Are sounding very racist right now.

You make a good point, Fletcher conceded. See, theres a reason why youre the girl and Im the boy. You think about things while I...Dont?Exactly, he said happily.