Quotes by Derek Landy

I had an uneventful few days, it told her. The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next years exam will arrive sooner than we think.No, they wont, Valkyrie said, frowning. Theyll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them.Thats what I told him, the reflection nodded. I dont think hes comfortable with logic, because he didnt look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college.Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. What did you say?I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasnt happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention.

Emergency Valve Regulators, she repeated. So you do know what your doing?Not really, he said yanking another wire. I made up that term to keep you happy. Im just pulling all the red wires because theyre the pretty ones.

Skulduggery.Fletcher.Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment.Im sorry, what are we doing now?Shaking hands, Fletcher said. Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. Ive grown, as a person. Im not the same Fletcher you used to know.You look a lot like him.Well, yeah, but-And you have the same ridiculous hair.Can we just shake hands?Of course we can, Skulduggery said, and they shook. Now what?I, uh...I dont really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?Generally, the first thing they do is let go.Oh, right, Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. So, Skulduggery, how have you been? Youre looking well. Thats a really nice tie.Its blue.And such a nice shade.Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. You promised me he wouldnt be annoying.

He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.Thats it?He looked up. Sorry?Arent you afraid it might get stolen? Were not exactly in a good part of town.Its got a car alarm.Dont you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?No. Its a pretty good car alarm.

I should go in alone, Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. If we both go in, itll look to official.So Ill just stay out here? Skulduggery asked. But whatll I do? Theres no one to talk to. Its boring.Youre standing on the roof of a train, Valkyrie pointed out. If you find this boring, you really need your head examined. Just wait here. Ill do what has to be done and Ill be find out.Fine, he said, sounding grumpy. Dont be long.

Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadnt been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldnt take the chance that a wild animal might wander in and make off with Alice, like those dingoes in Australia. She was probably being unfair to both dingoes and Australia, but she couldnt risk it. Locked doors kept the dingoes out, and thats all there was to it, even if she didnt know what a dingo actually was. She took out her phone, searched the Internet, found a picture of a baby dingo and now she really wanted a baby dingo for a pet.

Ladies and gentleman, he said over the speakers, welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, Id like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which wont do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain.

This is stolen? Were in a stolen jet?Not stolen, said Donegan Bane from the co-pilots seat.Almost stolen, Gracious corrected.Semi-stolen, said Donegan.Quasi-stolen, said Gracious. Auroras frown did not turn upside down. So is it stolen or not?Donegan and Gracious hesitated.Yes, they both said together.

Aurora sagged. Why is it, she asked, that every time Im with you two we end up stealing something big?We always return it, Donegan said, a little defensively. Maybe not always in one piece or necessarily to the right person but return it we do, and so it is not stealing, it is merely borrowing.Gracious looked at him. Its a little bit stea

It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.”“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of usgetting along so well.

If he cant get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?With great care, Donegan suggested.How about we run off shout and they follow? Said Gracious. Then, just when they think theyve caught us they fall into our trap.OK, said Tanith. And that trap would be?A big hole wed dug earlier and covered with branches.Tanith frowned. I thought you were meant to be smart.Gracious frowned back at her. Who told you that?Gracious is book smart, said Donegan. He leaves the real world thinking to people like you and me and small dogs that he meets.The innocent are often the wisest.

He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips around his mouth and mashed her face into his. He took a step back in surprise and she went with him, stepping in a patch of wet floor. Her legs went out from under her and flailed as she fell, whacking him in the throat on the way down. She looked up at him as he gagged and coughed, and from across the corridor she could hear Tanith laughing hysterically. I think I need practice, Valkyrie muttered.

How are we going to get out of here?Oh, escape is easy once you have the right

The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. Ryan, he said, stop leaning on my car.

Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.

That was a good day for me, Skulduggery said. I didnt have to hit anyone. I didnt have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.

I cannot have chaos erupting around me until I am prepared for it. I am a collector. I am an observer. I dont participate. My resources, and my standing, must be secure before I can allow the uncertainty of war to crash down upon us.

Peace means nothing without freedom.

Kindness suits you.Really? I think Im quite allergic to it.

Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. “Don’t worry,” she said. “If the bad man comes, I’ll protect you.”“If the bad man comes,” Fletcher responded, “I’ll bravely give out a high-pitched scream to distract him. I may even bravely faint, to give him a false sense of security. That will be your signal to strike.”“We make a great team.”“Just don’t forget to stand in front of me the whole time,” he said.