Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Then he kept to the back streets, and found a place that did a very reasonable double sausage, egg, bacon and fried slice, in the hope that food could replace sleep.

There are the people of the day, and the creatures of the night. And its important to remember that the creatures of the night arent simply the people of the day staying up late because they think that makes them cool and interesting. It takes more than heavy mascara and a pale complexion to cross the divide.

Yes, shed made a mistake... but she wasnt going to be bullied. You couldnt let boys go around raining on your lava and ogling other peoples watercolors.

It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.

You are in favour of the common people?” said Dragon mildly.The common people?” said Vimes. “They’re nothing special. They’re no different from the rich and powerful except they’ve got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I’ve got to be on their side.

People said that there was one law for the rich and one law for the poor, but it wasnt true. There was no law for those who made the law, and no law for the incorrigibly lawless.

Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.

... drink levels all mankind. It is the ultimate democrat

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Looking out the window, Moist saw a small swarm of goblins leave the train and at first he thought, ha! Trust the buggers to run away, and then he mentally corrected himself: that was storybook thinking and with clearer eyesight and a bit of understanding he realized that the goblins were scrambling up to the delvers on the rocks and beating the shit out of them by diving into the multiple layers of dwarf clothing. The delvers discovered all too rapidly that trying to fight while a busy goblin was in your underwear was very bad for the concentration.

Them as can do has to do for them as cant. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.

Youll get into dreadful trouble and it wont be my fault. You are bad people.

But you cant just leave it at that! said Anathema, pushing forward. Think of all things you could do! Good things.Like what? said Adam suspiciously.Well... you could bring all the whales back, to start with.He put his head on one side. An thatd stop people killing them?She hesitated. It would have been nice to say yes.An if people do start killing em, what would you ask me to do about em? said Adam. No. I reckon Im getting the hang of this now. Once I start messing around like that, thered be no stoppin it. Seems to me, the only sensible thing is for people to know if they kill a whale, theyve got a dead whale.

You couldnt say: Its not my fault. You couldnt say: Its not my responsibility.You could say: I will deal with this.You didnt have to want to. But you had to do it.

The fact was that, as droves of demon kings had noticed, there was a limit to what you could do to a soul with, e.g., red-hot tweezers, because even fairly evil and corrupt souls were bright enough to realize that since they didnt have the concomitant body and nerve endings attached to them there was no real reason, other than force of habit, why they should suffer excruciating agony. So they didnt. Demons went on doing it anyway, because numb and mindless stupidity is part of what being a demon is all about, but since no one was suffering they didnt enjoy it much either and the whole thing was pointless. Centuries and centuries of pointlessness.

There was a hell for blasphemers. There was a hell for disputers of rightful authority. There were a number of hells for liars. There was probably a hell for little boys who wished their grandmothers were dead. There were more than enough hells to go around.

Veil, you see, if I vas to say something portentous like zer dark eyes of zer mind back home in Uberwald, zer would be a sudden crash of thunder, said Otto. And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering crag and say Yonder is . . . zer castle a volf would be bound to howl mournfully. He sighed. In zer old country, zer scenery is psychotropic and knows vot is expected of it. Here, alas, people just look at you in a funny vay.

And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering crag and say Yonder is...zer castle a volf would be bound to howl mournfully. In zer old country, zer scenery is psychotropic and knows vot is expected of it. Here, alas, people just look at you in a funny vay.

The only thing more dangerous then a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their bedroom window open got channeled into some other interest, with merciless and painstaking efficiency...

Mission motto, sir, said Carrot cheerfully. Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it.I imagine he did, said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?Er... Rincewind hesitated, but there really was no escape. Er... roughly speaking, it means, We who are about to die dont want to, sir.