Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Its like people care more abput their pride than about whats correct, about the truth.

Its like people care more about their pride than about whats correct, about the truth.

You could bounce rocks off her pride.

…We were born vampires.I thought you became –— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don’t want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around.He sighed. Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn.

It’s most unfair. Once people find out you’re a vampire they act as if you’re some kind of monster.

I know nothing about her. Just some books, and some stories she tried to tell me, and things I didnt understand, and I remember big red soft hands and that smell. I never knew who she really was. I mean, she must have been nine too, once.

Amazin. he said again. He just looks as though hes thinking, right?Er...yes.But hes not actually thinking?Er...no.So...he just gives the impression of thinking but really its just a show?Er...yes.Just like everyone else, then really, said Ridcully

What a mess the world was in, Vimes reflected. Constable Visit had told him the meek would inherit it, and what had the poor devils done to deserve that?

It was Carrot whod suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to serve the community by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morporks crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways.

Could I please amend that suggestion? Could you not be there in the second darkest shadow one hour before midnight, to see who steps into the darkest shadow?

Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off.

I dont want unnecessary violence, sergeant, said Blouse.Right you are, sir! said the sergeant. Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin, I want him nailed to the wall! He caught the lieutenants eye, and added: But not too hard!

The boldest of the three (thieves) moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right? he snarled. Someone sniggered. I hope youre not going to kill anyone, said Carrot.Thats up to us!Sorry, was I talking to you? said Carrot. Dont worry, Ill be fine, said Angua. She looked around to make sure Cheery wasnt there and then sighed.Come on, gentlemen, lets get this over with.Dont play with your food! said a voice from the crowd.There were one or two giggles until Carrot turned in his seat, whereupon everyone was suddenly intensely interested in their drinks.Its OK, said Angua quietly.Aware that something was off kilter, but not quite sure what it was, the thieves edged back to the door. No one moved as they unbolted it and, still holding Angua, stepped out into the fog, shutting the door behind them. Hadnt we better help, said a constable who was new to the Watch. They dont deserve help, said Vimes. there was a clank of armor and then a long, deep growl, right outside in the street. And a scream and then another scream. and a third scream modulated with NONONOnonononononoNO!...aarghaarghaargh! Something heavy hit the door.

He grinned. It was the sort of grin that Agnes supposed was called infectious but, then, so was measles.

Afterward, there was that long, crowded pause in which everyone decides that although they are very shaken, and possibly upside down, they are, to their surprise, still alive.

It doesnt stop being magic just because you know how it works.

He had a notebook. He took notes in it. It was always useful. And them Sybil, gods bless her, had brought him this fifteen-function imp which did so many other things, although as far as he could see at least ten of its functions consisted of apologizing for its inefficiency in the other five.

A European says: I cant understand this, whats wrong with me? An American says: I cant understand this, whats wrong with him?I make no suggestion that one side or other is right, but observation over many years leads me to believe it is true.

She never sent the castle to sleep”, said Granny, “that’s just an old wife’s tale. She just stirred up time a little. It’s not as hard as people think, everyone does it all the time. It’s like rubber, is time, you can stretch it to suit yourself.”Magrat was about to say: That’s not right, time is time, every second lasts a second, that’s its job. The she recalled weeks that had flown past and afternoons that had lasted forever. Some minutes had lasted hours, some hours had gone past so quickly she hadn’t been aware they’d gone past at all.“But that’s just people’s perception, isn’t it?”“Oh yes”, said Granny, “of course it is, it all is, what difference does that make?

Granny Weatherwax had a primal snore. It had never been tamed. No one had ever had to sleep next to it, to curb its wilder excesses by means of a kick, a prod in the small of the back, or a pillow used as a bludgeon. It had had years in a lonely bedroom to perfect the knark, the graaah, and the gnoc, gnoc, gnoc unimpeded by the nudges, jabs, and occasional attempts at murder that usually moderate the snore impulse over time