Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Learning how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them. Harder, maybe. Thered be a sight more frogs in this world if I didnt know how not to turn people into them. And big pink balloons, too.

To Tiffanys surprise, Nanny Ogg was weeping gently. Nanny took another swig from her flagon and wiped her eyes. Cryin helps sometimes, she said. No shame in tears for them as youve loved. Sometimes I remember one of my husbands and shed a tear or two. The memoriesre there to be treasured, and its no good to get morbid-like about it.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

But, in truth, it had not exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the fantasy of gold, the fairy dream that the gold is there, at the end of the rainbow, and will continue to be there forever - provided, naturally, that you dont go and look. This is known as finance.

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: wheres your coffee? Youve got coffee, havent you? Cmon, everyones got coffee! Spill the beans!

Living this longs not as wonderful as people think. I mean, you get the same amount of youth as everyone else, but a great big extra helping of being very old and deaf and creaky.

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

It is a popular fact that nine-tenths of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary gray goo if its only real purpose was, for example, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys.

They are tragic, said Vetinari, and we laugh at their tragedy as we laugh at our own. The painted grin leers out at us from the darkness, mocking our insane belief in order, logic, status, the reality of reality. The mask knows that we are born on the banana skin that leads only to the open manhole cover of doom, and all we can hope for are the cheers of the crowd.

Granny looked up at the zombie. He was - or, technically, had been - a tall, handsome man. He still was, only now he looked like someone who had walked through a room full of cobwebs.Whats your name, dead man? she said.

Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences.

There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space.

Time and space were, from Deaths point of view, merely things that hed heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe as a rubber sheet, or perhaps not.

I hope youre not proposing to enslave us, said Twoflower.Marchesa looked genuinely shocked. Certainly not! Whatever could have given you that idea? Your lives in Krull will be rich, full and comfortable-Oh, good, said Rincewind.-just not very long.

You Say To People Throw Off Your Chains And They Make New Chains For Themselves?

She’d struck Esk once before – the blow a baby gets to introduce it to the world and give it a rough idea of what to expect from life.

Ye know full well that the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.

Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice -- i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasnt the world for it.

Questions dont have to make sense, Vincent, said Miss Susan. But answers do.

He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spent ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work your arse off in the open air everyday.