Quotes by Terry Pratchett

The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that forever rose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge of space that smoke means progress or, at least, people setting fire to things.

Then the Dean repeated the mantra that has had such a marked effect on the progress of knowledge throughout the ages.“Why don’t we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?” he said.And Ridcully responded with the traditional response.“It’s got to be worth a try,” he said.

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress.

One day Ill work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then youll be in trouble.

I think it is just a matter of getting into the mind of the writer,” Vetinari went on, looking at a letter covered with grubby fingerprints and what looked like the remains of someone’s breakfast. He added: “In some cases, I imagine, there is a lot of room.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said CarrotWhat, in Ankh-Morpork?’Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

Doesnt this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb.

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ - Colon swallowed - ‘irony.

REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.

Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.”“Sir?”“It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.”“Sir?”“That’s practically zen.

Of course, to be fair, that was a parents job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didnt put a few twists in you, you wouldnt stand a chance of fitting in.

I have to ask, sir...Why does it have to be done like this?Vetinari smiled. Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?Oh, yes, sir. Ive kept lots.Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.

You know it’s going to be Mary the Maid, or someone like her, and there’s going to be two men and she will end up with the nice one, and there has to be misunderstandings, and they never do anything more than kiss and it’s absolutely guaranteed that, for example, an exciting civil war or an invasion by trolls or even a scene with any cooking in it is not going to happen. The best you can expect is a thunderstorm.

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]

They called themselves the Munrungs. It meant The People, or The True Human Beings.Its what most people call themselves, to begin with. And then one day the tribe meets some other People or, if its not been a good day, The Enemy. If only theyd think up a name like Some More True Human Beings, itd save a lot of trouble later on

The games we play are lessons we learn. The assumptions we make, things we ignore, and things we change make us what we become.

Miss Tick sniffed. You could say this advice is priceless, she said. Are you listening?Yes, said Tiffany.Good. Now ... if you trust in yourself ...Yes?... and believe in your dreams ...Yes?... and follow your star ... Miss Tick went on.Yes?... youll still get beaten by people who spent THEIR time working hard and learning things and werent so lazy. Goodbye.

Where there is personality, there is discord.

The invisible people knew that happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in.