Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Everyone has gods. You just dont think theyre gods.

But whats worth more than gold?Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Arent you worth more than that?

And he goes around killing people?” said Mort. He shook his head. “There’s no justice.”Death sighed. No, he said... there’s just me.

After all, people seemed quite easy about having their rights and liberties taken away by those they looked up to, but somehow a space on the perch was a slap in the face, and treated as such.

Youd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldnt you, Comrade Sergeant? said Reg encouragingly.Id like a hard-boiled egg, said Vimes, shaking the match out.There was some nervous laughter, but Reg looked offended.In the circumstances, Sergeant, I think we should set our sights a little higher--Well, yes, we could, said Vimes, coming down the steps. He glanced at the sheets of papers in front of Reg. The man cared. He really did. And he was serious. He really was. But...well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and Im pretty sure that whatever happens we wont have found Freedom, and there wont be a whole lot of Justice, and Im damn sure we wont have found Truth. But its just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg.

THERE IS NO JUSTICE said Death JUST ME

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

His voice gave out and he made several wavy motions with his hand, indicative of the shape of a woman who would probably be unable to keep her balance.

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum.

The dogged determination and patience of one person to do what is Right and Necessary may not always win the day or even be noticed, but it will tip the balance just a little in the direction of good.

War, Nobby. Huh! What is it good for? he said. Dunno, Sarge. Freeing slaves, maybe?Absol—well, okay. Defending yourself against a totalitarian aggressor?All right, Ill grant you that, but—Saving civilization from a horde of— It doesnt do any good in the long run is what Im saying, Nobby, if youd listen for five seconds together, said Fred Colon sharply. Yeah, but in the long run, what does, Sarge?

There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment on the nature of sin, for example.And what do they think? Against it, are they?It is not as simple as that. Its not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray.Nope.Pardon?Theres no grays, only white thats got grubby. Im surprised you dont know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. Thats what sin is.Its a lot more complicated than that--No it aint. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means theyre getting worried that they wont like the truth. People as things, thats where it starts.Oh, Im sure there are worse crimes-But they Starts with thinking about people as things…

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that theres nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone.

Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple.

Yes, sir, but the Librarian likes bananas, sir.Very nourishin fruit, Mr Stibbons.Yes, sir. Although, funnily enough its not actually a fruit, sir.Really?Yes, sir. Botanically, its a type of fish, sir. According to my theory its cladistically associated with the Krullian pipefish, sir, which of course is also yellow and goes around in bunches or shoals.And lives in trees?Well, not usually, sir. The banana is obviously exploiting a new niche.Good heavens, really? Its a funny thing, but Ive never much liked bananas and Ive always been a bit suspicious of fish, too. Thatd explain it.

It tells him what to say. I know it sounds ridiculous,” muttered Hugh.“How can a book tell a man what to say?

She even tried the one which every romantic nerve in her body insisted should work, which consisted of theatrically giving up, sitting down, and letting her glance fall naturally on a patch of earth which, if she had been in any decent narrative, should have contained the book.It didnt.

I tell them stars have never hurt me, I wish I could say the same about people.

Rain dont fall on a with if she doesnt want it to, although personally I prefer to get wet and be thankful.Thankful for what? said Tiffany.That Ill get dry later.

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, its the other way around.