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Quotes by Josh Stern

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette

Josh Stern

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle

Josh Stern

If America runs on Dunkin, do I detect a slight limp?

Josh Stern

Love is the canvas covering the furniture that youve become a part of

Josh Stern

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what theyre walking on

Josh Stern

positivity is the father of reinvention

Josh Stern

If positivity is not your mindset, then reset

Josh Stern

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

Josh Stern

When she says Ive never done this before she just means with you

Josh Stern

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to pay no interest for 6 months

Josh Stern

Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?

Josh Stern

Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window

Josh Stern

If you dont fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

Josh Stern

Theres always someone wed love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident

Josh Stern

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

Josh Stern

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school

Josh Stern

True ambition is trying to paint yourself out of a corner

Josh Stern

When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time

Josh Stern

Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season

Josh Stern

I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but Im still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet

Josh Stern