Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

“You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.”

“Im on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then Im gonna rip it off.”

“But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Lets get our priorities straight. I think we all know whats really important in life ? winning an Oscar.”

“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”

“Yeah [Im thirty-six], but on the show Im thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.”

“I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.”

“Heres the analogy. If my body were a car, Id be thinking about trading it in around now. I would like to upgrade. I would be actually on the lot somewhere and some guy with a loud sports jacket would be sizing me up...kinda lookin around goin--maybe kickin my knees. Looking behind me going: That looks a little bashed in back there...Yeah. You mind if I check under the hood? Well yes I do! Thank you very much.(talking about her body and the fact that shes aging.)”

“The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there arent any space aliens. We cant be the best that creation has to offer. I pray were not all there is. If so, were in big trouble.”

“Go to bed in your fireplace, youll sleep like a log. ”

“[I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... I need a coffee with a side of red bull because im verry verry busy. I have TBD and Im late for yoga, HURRY HURRY!”

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Things will get easier, peoples minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. Its about knowing and accepting who you are.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because thats how its spelled.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the heck she is.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because its such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.