Quotes by Christopher Moore

Dont be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. Its the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

Diogenes carried a bowl with him for years, but one day saw a man drinking from his cupped palm and declared, ‘I have been a fool, burdened all these years by the weight of a bowl when a perfectly good vessel lay at the end of my wrist.

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.

Im poor and my cat is huge.

Rivera rubbed his temples. Satan told you to do it? he said wearily.No.Elvis?I told you, its supernatural.

An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.

She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.

I gave you all! screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan.And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you senile old fuck, said Regan.

That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?

Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe. Now go sweep the steps.

She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didnt understand anything about her species.

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire.

You know what? You know what? You know what? I was waving my finger under her nose. You scratched the Son of God. Thats your ass, thats what.

My fans have great senses of humor and eat too much chocolate.

As much as I encourage communication with my readers, I dont want reviews from them, simply because I dont need to be hamstrung in the middle of working on something.

When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.

For me, Lamb started out as a further exploration of the phenomenon of faith and the responsibility of a messiah that I touched on in Coyote Blue and Island of the Sequined Love Nun, but it ended up being an exploration of the true meaning of sacrifice, loyalty, and friendship.

“Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit”

“Science, you dont know, looks like magic.”