Quotes by Bill Watterson

Im not a vegetarian! Im a dessertarian!

Im a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.

I like maxims that dont encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! Its me, Calvin! I was wondering if youd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I dont think youve ever invited me to... Calvins Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvins Mom: Youre contagious! You cant have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! Youll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a possum stuck in your collar?

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! Hes one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

Calvin:It says here that religion is the opiate of the masses....what do you suppose that means?Television: ...it means that Karl Marx hadnt seen anything yet

Thats the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isnt good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.

CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got Ds in school. Well guess what, I get Fs!!!

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

You can present the material, but you cant make me care.

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, youll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Thats the whole problem with science. Youve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.