Quotes by Bill Watterson

CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesnt make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesnt he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesnt exist whats the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isnt this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, Ive got the same questions about God.

Hobbes: Do you think theres a God?Calvin: Well, somebodys out to get me!

If you cant control your peanut butter, you cant expect to control your life.

CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then Ill come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

To invent your own lifes meaning is not easy, but its still allowed, and I think youll be happier for the trouble.

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.

Isnt it sad how some peoples grip on their lives is so precarious that theyll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

HOBBES:If you dont get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.

Weekends dont count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

I liked things better when I didnt understand them.

Sometimes when Im talking, my words cant keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.

As far as Im concerned, if something is so complicated that you cant explain it in 10 seconds, then its probably not worth knowing anyway.

In my opinion, we dont devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Were so busy watching out for whats just ahead of us that we dont take time to enjoy where we are.

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patients friends.

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalms Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] Im not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.