Quotes by Tina Fey

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didnt even know it because of all the jokes. Its like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids brownies. Suckers!

My unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do? If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you. If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece, Over! Under! Through!” (If you’re under forty, you might not remember this film. It taught the concepts of, “over,” and “under,” and “through” by filming toddlers crawling around an abandoned construction site. They don’t show it anymore because someone has since realized that’s nuts.) If your boss is a jerk, try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk. If you’re lucky, your workplace will have a neutral proving ground- like the rifle range or a car sales total board of the SNL read-through. If so, focus on that. Again, don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go “Over! Under! Through!” and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

My unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do? If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you. If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece, Over! Under! Through!” (If you’re under forty, you might not remember this film. It taught the concepts of, “over,” and “under,” and “through” by filming toddlers crawling around an abandoned construction site. They don’t show it anymore because someone has since realized that’s nuts.) If your boss is a jerk, try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk. If you’re lucky, your workplace will have a neutral proving ground- like the rifle range or a car sales total board or the SNL read-through. If so, focus on that. Again, don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go “Over! Under! Through!” and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

In 1995, each cast at The Second City was made up of four men and two women. When it was suggested that they switch one of the companies to three men and three women, the producers and directors had the same panicked reaction. You cant do that. There wont be enough parts to go around. There wont be enough for the girls. This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury. We werent doing _Death of a Salesman._ _We were making up the show ourselves. How could there not be enough parts?_ If everyone had something to contribute, there would be enough. The insulting implication, of course, was that the women wouldnt have any ideas.

We spent days and weeks doing nothing, calling one another ten times a day to schedule our nothing-doing.

What is he rudest question you can ask a woman? How old are you? What do you weigh? No, the worst question is How do you juggle it all? people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. Youre fucking it all up, arent you? their eyes say. My standard answer is that I have the same struggles as any working parent but with the good fortune of working my dream job.

You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated.

the best of show was completely gone and we were in big trouble, except we didnt really care.

Was it too much to expect the rest of the world to care about grammar or pay attention to details?

I have one top-notch baby with whom I am in love. Its a head-over-heels first love kind of thing, because I pay for everything and all we do is hold hands.

Everyone is quiet. Which is the wooooooorst. It’s scary when a group of people all know instinctively not to joke around.

Someone should do a study of the human brain and how quickly it can adjust to luxury.

Lots of teenage girls have taken comfort under the wings of half-closeted gay boys.

(My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.)

My first job as assistant director was to make sure he didnt cast the talented blond dancer who had so easily stolen my boyfriend the summer before. I accomplished this with the persistent and skilled manipulation of a grade A bitch.

In improv there are no mistakes, only beautiful happy accidents. And many of the world’s greatest discoveries have been by accident.

It’s a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it…You have to let people see what you wrote.

This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesnt want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair thats permed on top? Whats that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity

I was walking home alone from school and I was wearing a dress. A dude drove by and yelled, Nice tits. Embarrassed and enraged, I screamed after him, Suck my dick.