Quotes by Terry Pratchett

The gods, he said. Imprisoned in a thought. And perhaps they were never more than a dream.

The gods were there to do the duties of a megaphone, because who else would people listen to?

I mean, its one thing saying youve got the best god, but sayin its the only real one is a bit of a cheek, in my opinion. I know where I can find at least two any day of the week. And they say everyone starts out bad and only gets good by believin in Om, which is frankly damn nonsense.

IVE NEVER BEEN VERY SURE ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT, said Bill Door. I AM NOT SURE THERE IS SUCH A THING AS RIGHT. OR WRONG. JUST PLACES TO STAND.

I kill in my own time,” he said. “In any case, killing unconscious people isn’t right.”“I can’t think of a more opportune time,” said the Loremaster.

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water!

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because theyd get yelled at if they didnt.

I dinna want to disappoint ye, but wes in a cellar right here, and its full o tatties.After a while a voice said: So where izzit?Maybe its got the day off?Whats a demon need a day off for?Tae gae an see its ol mam an dad, mebbe?Oh, aye? Demons have mams, do they?

Thats the fashion. Fast as the speed of light, they say. Ha! Its got no soul, sir, no heart.

Youre wondering if I really would slit your throat. To tell the truth, I dont know either, but think of the fun we could have finding out.

They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is full of little people with big dreams!

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you cant have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

Hes got a box with a demon in it that draws pictures, said Rincewind shortly. Do what the madman says and he will give you gold.

I could use you—if you pass the tests, of course. There are three of them. You have passed the first.What are the other— Hrun paused, his lips moved soundlessly and then he hazarded, two?

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

Million-to-one chances...crop up nine times out of ten.

Luck came to those who left a space for it.

Luck is my middle name, said Rincewind, indistinctly. Mind you, my first name is Bad.