Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, theres nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.