Quotes by Fred Allen

“California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.”

“He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose”

“Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission”

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”

“Id rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.”

“I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.”

“A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.”

“It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.”

“Write without pay until somebody offers to pay”

“If you know what you are going to write when youre writing a poem, its going to be average”

“An actors popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.”

“The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.”

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”

“Television is the triumph of machine over people.”

“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

“Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnats navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agents heart”

“The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.”

“Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.”