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Quotes by Fred Allen

Fred Allen

“I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.”

Fred Allen

“During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk”

Fred Allen

“If it bleeds, we can kill it.”

Fred Allen

“A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.”

Fred Allen

“I think we ought to let him hang there, let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.”

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

All I know about humour is that I dont know anything about it.

Fred Allen

a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done

Fred Allen

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Fred Allen

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

All I know about humor is that I dont know anything about it.

Fred Allen

I dont want to own anything that wont fit into my coffin.

Fred Allen

(A gentleman) is any man who wouldnt hit a woman with his hat on.

Fred Allen

She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now.

Fred Allen

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen