Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

“Teenage girls are too caught up in being with a guy whos the best for everyone else and not the best for themselves.”

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.”

“Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young”

“The main problem with teenagers is that theyre just like their parents were at their age”

“Speak your mind. Dont let anyone censor you. Its the best advice. Even as a teenager, I always said what I was thinking. I wasnt afraid of what others think. You have to express yourself no matter what anyone else thinks about it.”

“Adolescence is that time when I think, it can be- its the cruelest place on Earth. It can really be heartless.”

“Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.”

“Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.”

“In the gay (Catholic) community, it would seem, the maxim is: love the sin and love the sinner, but hate anyone who calls it a sin or him a sinner”

“A gay male never gets over the idea the he is a thing of beauty, and a boy forever!”

“I have decided that suicide is completely out of the question. I refuse to end the suffering of others... No, I must contemplate homicide and end the suffering of one... ME!!!”

“I think suicide is the most perfect thing you can do in life.”

“A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight”

“God must love crazy people; He makes so many of them”

“I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey”

“Man is born to eat”

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, youre on something”

“If youre going to America, bring your own food.”

“Children ask better questions than adults. May I have a cookie? Why is the sky blue? and What does a cow say? are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than Wheres your manuscript? Why havent you called? and Whos your lawyer?”

“Youre only has good as your last haircut.”