Quotes by Andy Rooney

“One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his tongue”

“Love beauty; it is the shadow of God on the universe”

“My computer must be broken: whenever I ask a wrong question, it gives a wrong answer”

“Computers will never replace good old-fashioned human stupidity.”

“I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.”

“The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner with one sheep.”

“I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some peoples idea of patriotism is hating other countries.”

“Passion governs, and she never governs wisely.”

“The way to secure peace is to be prepared for war.”

“It is remarkable that soldiers by profession, men truly and unquestionably brave, seldom advise war but in cases of extreme necessity.”

“America is built on a tilt, and everything loose slides towards California.”

“When a politician mentions God half a dozen times in a speech, its to appropriate for his campaign the name God. Hes suggesting that God has endorsed the ticket and given permission to have His name used in promotional material in exchange for certain considerations, like school prayer. There are lots of cheap tricks used in political campaigns, and evoking Gods name is one of them.”

“People like to say, Youre only as old as you feel, but it isnt true. Its just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. Youre as old as you are.”

Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone.

We all ought to understand were on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesnt do kids any harm for a few years but it isnt smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while youre climbing it.

Ive learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.

Id be more willing to accept religion, even if I didnt believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I dont think it does.