Quotes by Andy Rooney

“All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.”

“The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you cant eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as progress, doesnt spread.”

“The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.”

“There are sixteen cans of coffee here; together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesnt that seem like cheating?”

“I didnt get old on purpose, it just happened. If youre lucky, it could happen to you.”

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one”

“Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.”

“The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.”

“The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and its probably a good thing. We dont need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.”

“Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves”

“He was a Beatle in a haystack.”

“Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.”

“Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they cant think of what they want to say and theyre frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they arent very smart - want to be just one of the boys.”

“Dont rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.”

“People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.”

“Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.”

“Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.”

“The dog was created specially for children. He is a god of frolic.”

“Getting a dog is like getting married. It teaches you to be less self-centered, to accept sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car.”

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself”