Quotes by Terry Pratchett

It is a mystery, said Detritus.Vimes grinned mirthlessly. It was a mystery. And he didnt like mysteries. Mysteries had a way of getting bigger if you didnt solve them quickly. Mysteries pupped.

And now the birds were singing overhead, and there was a soft rustling in the undergrowth, and all the sounds of the forest that showed that life was still being lived blended with the souls of the dead in a woodland requiem. The whole forest now sang for Granny Weatherwax.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. Id know me anywhere.

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.

Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all born, Vimes had assumed, as a result of extremely persuasive handwriting.

Mister Rob Anybody and sundry others? said one of the figures in a dreadful voice.Theres naebody here o that name! shouted Rob Anybody. We dinna know anythin!We have here a list of criminal and civil charges totaling nineteen thousand, seven hundred and sixty-three separate offenses-We wasna there! yelled Rob Anybody desperately. Isnt that right, lads?-including more than two thousand cases of Making an Affray, Causing a Public Nuisance, Being Found Drunk, Being Found Very Drunk, Using Offensive Language (taking into account ninety-seven cases of Using Language That Was Probably Offensive If Anyone Else Could Understand It), Committing a Breach of the Peace, Malicious Lingering-Its mistaken identity! shouted Rob Anybody. Its no oour fault! We wuz only standing there an someone else did it and ran awa!-Grand Theft, Petty Theft, Burglary, Housebreaking, Loitering with Intent to Commit a Felony-We wuz misunderstood when we was wee bairns! yelled Rob Anybody. Yere only picking on us cause were blue! We always get blamed for everythin! The polis hate us! We wasna even in the country!

Wheres the pleasure in bein the winner if the loser aint alive to know theyve lost?

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder--which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.

Hed never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to explode in your face. Just when he thought hed found it hed be suddenly involved in what he supposed other people - thoughtless, feckless people - would call an adventure. And hed be forced to visit many strange lands and meet exotic and colourful people, although not for very long because usually hed be running. Hed seen the creation of the universe, although not from a good seat, and had visited Hell and the afterlife. Hed been captured, imprisoned, rescued, lost and marooned. Sometimes it had all happened on the same day.

What some people need, said Magrat, to the world in general, is a bit more heart.What some people need, said Granny Weatherwax, to the stormy sky, is a lot more brain.Then she clutched at her hat to stop the wind from blowing i

Quite amazing, isn’t it, Mister Lipwig?’ he said cheerfully through the smoke. ‘Though isn’t it a pity that they can only run on rails? I can’t imagine what the world would be like if everyone had their own steam locomotive. Abominable.

Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!

For a moment the rank felt as though they had just returned from single-handedly conquering a distant province. They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it and which was definitely several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt.

Oh, thats just Thud! Thats easy! yapped a voice.Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.I used to play it when I was a kid, he burbled. Its boring. The dwarfs always win!Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, Ill credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry.

... a metaphor ... is like lying but more decorative.

There are all kinds of darkness, and all kinds of things can be found in them, imprisoned, banished, lost or hidden. Sometimes they escape. Sometimes they simply fall out. Sometimes they just cant take it any more.

I am not so blind that I cant see darkness.

Furnishing was not a priority in the Citadel. Shelves, stools, tables... There was a rumor among the novices that priests towards the top of the hierarchy had golden furniture, but there was no sign of it here. The room was as severe as anything in the novices quarters although it had, perhaps, a more opulent severity; it wasnt the forced bareness of poverty, but the starkness of intent.