Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Down there - he said - are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they dont say no.

Contrary to popular belief and hope, people dont usually come running when they hear a scream. Thats not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, Did you hear a scream? because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring.

I dont see whats so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin upset cos they act like people.

I would like you to teach [the orcs] civilised behaviour, said Ladyship coldly.He appeared to consider this. Yes of course, I think that would be quite possible, he said. And who would you send to teach the humans?

Fantasy is escapism, but wait... Why is this wrong? What are you escaping from, and where are you escaping to? Is the story opening windows or slamming doors? The British author G.K. Chesterton summarized the role of fantasy very well. He said its purpose was to take the everyday, commonplace world and lift it up and turn it around and show it to us from a different perspective, so that once again we see it for the first time and realize how marvelous it is. Fantasy - the ability to envisage the world in many different ways - is one of the skills that make us human.

He shrugged. - Theyre just people - he said. - Theyre just doing what people do. Sir.Lord Vetinari gave him a friendly smile.- Of course, of course - he said. - You have to believe that, I appreciate. Otherwise youd go quite mad. Otherwise youd think youre standing on a feather-thin bridge over the vaults of Hell. Otherwise existence would be a dark agony and the only hope would be that there is no life after death. I quite understand.

There is never a bad time for a pun. There’s also never really a good time for a pun. You might as well just stay braced for a pun at all times, and ride them when they come with as much grace as you can manage.The fact that you can replace ‘pun’ with ‘disaster’ in the last three rules says a lot about the human race.

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . youll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and werent so lazy.

Witches are naturally nosy,” said Miss Tick, standing up. “Well, I must go. I hope we shall meet again. I will give you some free advice, though.”“Will it cost me anything?”“What? I just said it was free!” said Miss Tick.“Yes, but my father said that free advice often turns out to be expensive,” said Tiffany.Miss Tick sniffed. “You could say this advice is priceless,” she said, “Are you listening?”“Yes,” said Tiffany.“Good. Now...if you trust in yourself...”“Yes?”“...and believe in your dreams...”“Yes?”“...and follow your star...” Miss Tick went on.“Yes?”“...you’ll still be beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy. Goodbye.

He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like core values at him with impunity.

You did what you were told or you didnt get paid, and if things went wrong it wasnt your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared about you, and everyone at headquarters was an idiot. It wasnt your fault, no one listened to you. Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didnt care.

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! A mere quantum-mechanistic tunnel effect, thatd happen anyway if you were prepared to wait zillions of years. As if the turning of sunlight into wine, by means of vines and grapes and time and enzymes, wasnt a thousand times more impressive and happened all the time...

And thats when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

Fire is easy to work with if you keep your mind clear, but pain . . . pain fights back. Pain is alive. Pain is the enemy.

Its a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi a toad

There are millions of chords. There are millions of numbers. And everyone forgets the one that is a zero. But without the zero, numbers are just arithmetic. Without the empty chord, music is just noise.

Big fat hairy monkey, hands a couple of octaves wide?

They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever.

You wont enjoy it, sighed Crowley. Its been in the car for more than a fortnight. A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow. Aziraphales brow furrowed. I dont recognize this, he said. What is it? Its Tchaikovskys Another One Bites the Dust, said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough. To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrds We Are the Champions and Beethovens I Want To Break Free. Neither were as good as Vaughan Williamss Fat-Bottomed Girls.

And one day Amber takes her troll’s dinner down to the cave and finds him—” Rock waved his hands in vague yet thoroughly descriptive motions “—with another lady troll. So she go home and get her club and come back and beat him to death, thump, thump, thump. ’Cos he was her troll and he done her wrong. Is very romantic song.