Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Were on a mission from Glod.

Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze.

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

The universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. There is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.

Never trust a species that grins all the time. It’s up to something.

The Captain of the Watch says if youre still in the City by sunrise he will personally have you buried alive.

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, dont you?

Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.

They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their days was given to first-year students, on the basis that if they got things wrong there wouldnt be too much education wasted.

Igor? said Moist. You have an Igor?Oh, yes, said Hubert. Thats how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But dont let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because Im employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesnt mean Im some sort of madman, ha ha ha!Ha ha, agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!, said Hubert. Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, its the air down here, he mumbled.

It was long after midnight and the stars looked damp and chilly; the air was full of the busy silence of the night, which is created by hundreds of small furry things treading very carefully in the hope of finding dinner while avoiding being the main course.

Red sky at night, the citys alight.

I know it’s not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow…Is that so? Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig!

Someone has to do it. Its all very well calling for eye of newt, but do you mean Common, Spotted or Great Crested? Which eye, anyway? Will tapioca do just as well? If we substitute egg white will the spell a) work b) fail or c) melt the bottom out of the cauldron? Goodie Whempers curiosity about such things was huge and insatiable*.* Nearly insatiable. It was probably satiated in her last flight to test whether a broomstick could survive having its bristles pulled out one by one in mid-air. According to the small black raven she had trained as a flight recorder, the answer was almost certainly no.

The dwarfs can turn lead into gold...It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs.-Can we?-Damned if I know. I cant.-Yeah, but if you could, you wouldnt say. I wouldnt say, if I could.-Can you?-No!-Ah-ha!

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba.

Sometime later the islanders on a little rimward atoll were amazed to find, washed into their little local lagoon, the wave-rocked corpse of a hideous sea monster, all beaks, eyes and tentacles. They were further astonished at its size, since it was rather larger than their village. But their surprise was tiny compared to the huge, stricken expression on the face of the dead monster, which appeared to be have been trampled to death.

If you were going to be successful in the world of crime, you needed a reputation for honesty.

He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him.

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw.It was its tendency to bend at the knees.