Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

She was not an unkind woman, despite a lifetime of being gently dried out on the stove of education, but she was conscientious and a stickler for propriety and thought she knew how this sort of thing should go and was vaguely annoyed that it wasnt going.

But she’s going to have a lot of problems.THAT’S WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. SO I’M TOLD. I WOULDN’T KNOW, OF COURSE.What about reincarnation?Death hesitated.YOU WOULDN’T LIKE IT, he said. TAKE IT FROM ME.I’ve heard that some people do it all the time.YOU’VE GOT TO BE TRAINED TO IT. YOU’VE GOT TO START OFF SMALL AND WORK UP. YOU’VE NO IDEA HOW HORRIBLE IT IS TO BE AN ANT.It’s bad?YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT. AND WITH YOUR KARMA AN ANT IS TOO MUCH TO EXPECT.

Im trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun. -I should leave it for a while, its too bright to see the numbers at the moment.

There is always time for another last minute

Time was something that largely happened to other people; he viewed it in the same way that people on the shore viewed the sea. It was big and it was out there, and sometimes it was an invigorating thing to dip a toe into, but you couldnt live in it all the time. Besides, it always made his skin wrinkle.

The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.

I REMEMBER WHEN ALL THIS WILL BE AGAIN.

Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord. Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

People who didnt need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didnt need people.

You know, youre rather amusingly wrong.

Well, child? Arent you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?I dont think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

It wasnt that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

Youre not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?Only a man would think of that.Its our job, said Moist. If you dont think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.

The elevator shaft was a kind of heat sink. Hot food was cold by the time it arrived. Cold food got colder. No one knew what would happen to ice cream, but it would probably involve some rewriting of the laws of thermodynamics.