Quotes by Robert Orben

Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If Im not there I go to work.

Its amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?

I dont see why religion and science cant get along. Whats wrong with counting our blessings with a computer?

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If Im not there, I go to work.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it arm around the shoulder humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. Its mean, mean stuff.

President Ford used humor a great deal.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If Im not there, I go to work.

I got a Valentines Day card from my girl. It said, Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips! Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Time flies. Its up to you to be the navigator.

Older people shouldnt eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?