Quotes by Robert Orben

“It takes more then lace and ribbons And lovely verses too To make a Valentine thats nice enough for you It takes a world of special thoughts tucked into every line and thats exactly what youll find inside this valentine.”

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone shes as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Its an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasnt had a birthday in seven years.

I may be forty but every morning when I get up I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately theres never one around.

New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasnt for muggings there wouldnt be any contact at all!

I take my children everywhere but they always find their way back home.

Were supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally Ive never met a family adviser. Theyre all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.

I dont want to say anything about my kids . . . but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

Have you noticed when you go on a diet the first thing you lose is your temper.

Waitll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans football fans hockey fans and gardeners.

Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper he would have asked for separate checks!

Planned obsolescence isnt a new idea - God always used it with people.

There are days when it takes all youve got just to keep up with the losers.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Years Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.