Quotes by Rita Rudner

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I love being married. Its so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldnt have to.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We cant decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. Theyve experienced pain and boughr jewelry.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

Men like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.

Men dont get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

If you like easygoing monogamous men stay away from billionaires.

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.