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Quotes by Milton Berle

Milton Berle

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

Milton Berle

“I live to laugh, and I laugh to live”

Milton Berle

“Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”

Milton Berle

“Experience is what you have after youve forgotten her name.”

Milton Berle

“Poverty is not a disgrace, but its terribly inconvenient.”

Milton Berle

“A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.”

Milton Berle

“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you cant get killed by a blank?”

Milton Berle

“The company accountant is shy and retiring. Hes shy a quarter of a million dollars. Thats why hes retiring.”

Milton Berle

Poverty is not a disgrace, but its terribly inconvenient

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesnt knock, build a door

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.

Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

I cant tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Milton Berle

Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Milton Berle

Id like to tell you some jokes now but youd only laugh.

Milton Berle

Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesnt knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Milton Berle

Experience is what you have after youve forgotten her name.

Milton Berle

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasnt for him, wed be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle