Quotes by Mark Twain

An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.- A Tramp Abroad

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignorant; though if ignorance of language were a qualification he might have been a consul at home.

An oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a scientist has; and so it it is reasonably certain that this one jumped to the conclusion that the nineteen million years was a preparation for him; but that would be just like an oyster, which is the most conceited animal there is, except man. And anyway, this one could not know, at that early date, that he was only an incident in a scheme, and that there was some more in the scheme yet.

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isnt straight

Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isnt. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.

He had had much experience of physicians, and said the only way to keep your health is to eat what you dont want, drink what you dont like, and do what youd druther not.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns a lesson he can learn in no other way.

At the beginning of that interval a type-machine was a curiosity. The person who owned one was a curiosity, too. But now it is the other way about: the person who doesnt own one is a curiosity.

Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.

You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldnt be anywhere but there, not for the world.

When they came it was as if the lord of the world had arrived, and had brought all the glories of its kingdoms along; and when they went they left a calm behind which was like the deep sleep which follows an orgy.

It made one mad, for pleasure; and we could not take our eyes from him, and the looks that went out of our eyes came from our hearts, and their dumb speech was worship.

Yes, I am of old family, and not illiterate. I am a fossil.   A which?   Fossil. The first horses were fossils. They date back two million years.

Ah, Antonio, it IS the noblest sport that ever was. I would give a year of my life to see it. Is the bull always killed?   Yes. Sometimes a bull is timid, finding himself in so strange a place, and he stands trembling, or tries to retreat. Then everybody despises him for his cowardice and wants him punished and made ridiculous; so they hough him from behind, and it is the funniest thing in the world to see him hobbling around on his severed legs; the whole vast house goes into hurricanes of laughter over it; I have laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks to see it. When he has furnished...

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. ~Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad

The writing begins when youve finished. Only then do you know what youre trying to say.

The time to being writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.

If the writer doesnt sweat, the reader will.

Who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it?