Quotes by Lois Greiman

Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesnt generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.

If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

Hes just a flash in the pants.

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the balls pretty much in his court.

Youre just so lucky bloods so hard to get out of the carpet.

Youre gonna sit down. Youre gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I aint gonna kill you.

If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, its probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it aint there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, because theyrea lot more likely to answer if theyre not dead.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head aint that easy, either.

They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae dont never ask if the babys really his.

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.