Quotes by Lois Greiman

If at 1st you dont succeed, stretch out on your La-Z-Boy with a six-pack and a porn flick. Y still wont succeed, but you sure as hell wont give a shift.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

Sometimes its nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Alls well so long-as you dont get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

Im just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

When men age theyre called sophisticated. When women age they aint called at all.

If you dont scare the neighbors while copulating, Im afraid youre doing something terribly wrong.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin the bird s a hell of a lot easier.

Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Ive been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but theres nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

Lifes funny. Sometimes its your oyster, and sometimes youre its bitch-slapped man-whore.