Quotes by Lenny Bruce

“The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no what should be, there is only what is.”

“The liberals can understand everything but people who dont understand them”

“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.”

“A lot of people say to me, `Why did you kill Christ? I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.”

“A lot of people say to me, Why did you kill Christ? I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. We killed him because he didnt want to become a doctor, thats why we killed him.”

“The whole motivation for any performer is Look at me, Ma”

“In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls”

“Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and shell believe it: Im tellin ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck Lay on Top of Me Or Ill Die. I didnt know what I was gonna do....”

“The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”

“Communism is like one big phone company.”

“Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you cant be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people.”

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”

“Todays comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Todays comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes hes telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.”

“When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.”

“Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government.”

“Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government. ”

“Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. Thats what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is -- One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.”

“The Daily Show.”

“beautiful mama with the long red hair.”