Quotes by Lemony Snicket

If you were smart, Genghis said, you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends.We never thought of that, Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a guilty flutter in ones stomach, and Klaus felt such a flutter now. You certainly are an intelligent man.Not only am I intelligent, Genghis agreed, but Im also very smart.

Sunny did not eat the wood, of course, but she chewed on it and pretended it was a carrot, or an apple, or a beef and cheese enchilada, all of which she loved.

There was a bag of coffee beans beneath a harpoon gun and a frozen hunk of spinach, but there was no way to grind the beans into tiny pieces to make coffee. Near a picnic basket and a large bag of mushrooms was a jug of orange juice, but it had been close to one of the bullet holes in the trunk, and so had frozen completely solid in the cold. And after Sunny moved aside three chunks of cold cheese, a large can of water chestnuts, and an eggplant as big as herself, she finally found a small jar of boysenberry jam, and a loaf of bread she could use to make toast, although it was so cold it felt more like a log than a breakfast ingredient.

They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.

I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so dont expect me back until dinnertime. Stephano, Gustavs replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today. Your giddy uncle, Monty

Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.

I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.

You’re noble enough, Baudelaires. That’s all we can ask for in this world.

We dont need a destination or a way of navigating, because well go wherever it takes us

It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier.

In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every so often there would be a test. The stories were very short, and there were a whole lot of them on every conceivable subject. One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk, Mr. Remora would say, chewing on a banana. When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end. Or: One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end. Mr. Ramora would tell story after story, and eat banana after banana, and it would get more and more difficult for Violet to pay attention.

If you were upset about an ugly pimple on the end of your nose, you might try to feel better by keeping your pimple in perspective. You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, Well, at least Im not being eaten by a bear.

Whenever you are examining someone elses belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

One could say, in fact, that no story really has a beginning, and that no story really has an end, as all of the worlds stories are as jumbled as the items in the arboretum, with their details and secrets all heaped together so that the whole story, from beginning to end, depends on how you look at it.

Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.

We are respecting our parents wishes....They didnt want to shelter us from the worlds treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.

The expression Those who cant do, teach is a curious one, because if you look at the world , youll see that teachers arent particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as nobody can do anything

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.

...bravery often demands a price.

The world is too quiet without you nearby.