Quotes by Lemony Snicket

“It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black sea.”

“the only trouble I should get in for my writing is the trouble I make myself.”

“Pronunciation and/or spelling may be slightly mutilated. An example of this is in The Grim Grotto when Sunny utters Bushcheney.”

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent nights sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied I love you back and not I love your back before you continue the conversation.

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty.Now I am pretty lonely.

People arent either wicked or noble. Theyre like chefs salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and dont always like.

I suppose Ill have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means flunk.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, Well this isnt too bad, I dont have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if Im left-handed or right-handed, but most of us would say something more along the lines of, Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

A passport, as Im sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.

For some stories, its easy. The moral of The Three Bears, for instance, is Never break into someone elses house. The moral of Snow White is Never eat apples. The moral of World War I is Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.