Quotes by Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I wont feel so thankful then.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Im not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldnt think my schedule looked so busy.

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five oclock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, hes stuck with so many bad actors who dont know how to play funny.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that Im going to miss mine by just a few days.

“I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagance and love and art, and could even almost believe some of it myself on certain days after the sun went down if I’d had a snort or two and was in Los Angeles and it was February and I was twenty-four, but I find a truer account in the Herald-Star, where it says: “Mr. Gary Keillor visited at the home of Al and Florence Crandall on Monday and after lunch returned to St. Paul, where he is currently employed in the radio show business… Lunch was fried chicken with gravy and creamed peas”.”