Quotes by Dylan Moran

“Jokes in sitcoms only work when theyre not conspicuous and they reveal character.”

“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”

“Its true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.”

“The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didnt end up going to university Id end up robbing post offices.”

“Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.”

“People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they cant remember my name.”

“Dont you DARE use party as a verb in my shop”

“Im not a fighter, Im a bleeder.”

“I dont do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when Im not expecting it.”

“You exaggerate your own reactions.”

“The characters cant be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.”

“I dont walk around knocking on doors and going to auditions and things generally. All the work I did was self-created.”

“You look like a horse in a man costume”

“Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.”

“Don’t clap I’m not a jazz band for Christ’s sake.”

“But I suppose I do have a strong fan-base.”

“He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.”

“And what is an angel but a ghost in drag?”

“You know its a sad day when your child looks at you and asks Daddy, are these organic?”

“Money cant buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.”