Quotes by Chris Rock

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the Americas Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesnt want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more?”

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

“Dont argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. Its impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense”

“I dont get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now theres no rehab for stupidity.”

“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldnt have any innocent bystander .”

“Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you aint got one.”

“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.”

“Yeah, I love being famous. Its almost like being white, yknow? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the copsll pull yover and before they even look they like What the f**k are you doing? and then they see its you and they like Awww man, its Chris Rock, its okay, man we thought you was a nigga.”

“You dont pay taxes - they take taxes.”

“A man is only as faithful as his options”

“Ja Rule is not Tupac”

“There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didnt some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.”

“You wont be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”

“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot......”

“Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.”

“I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to (Los Angeles), stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.”

“George Bush hates midgets.”

“I think Id be too hard on a boy -- every day, trying to make him a man, getting him ready for white people, ... Girls dont punch each other in the face. Girls are pretty nice to each other, even, like, on a grassroots level.”

“School shootings were invented by blacks, ... and stolen by the white man.”

“Its hard to be funny when you have to be clean.”