Quotes by Chelsea Handler

Anyone whos married to Mariah Carey - Im pretty sure - doesnt have a great sense of humor. I mean, lets be honest: shes ridiculous. What is her game plan?

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They dont know what theyre doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.

Ive always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. Id be with the cool girls, then the uncool girls. I migrated from group to group because I was bored or people got bored with me. I was very intense.

I wanted to be famous. Its embarrassing to admit, but I came out to L.A. thinking it would happen in no time. I thought, Once they see me, theyll be so glad I came. I always had a ridiculous amount of self-confidence about what was going to happen to me.

Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, theres a problem. Thats what my sister always said: Dont worry, youll peak later.

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasnt born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, thats how my breakups tend to play out.

I do think about marriage, but its not the end-all goal.

The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.

Thats my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort.

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Anistons wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, Im like, Being friends with you is a burden. You think its hard to be friends with me?