Quotes by Carl Hiaasen

“The first rule of hurricane coverage is that every broadcast must begin with palm trees bending in the wind.”

“I always try to burden even the villains with some weird predilection they have to cope with. It helps make them memorable, and gives them a human side.”

“I thought nobody in his right mind was going to publish a book for kids by me -- not if theyve read my adult fiction,”

“I wait for the headlines to inspire me.”

“I have this pet peeve which is when I read a novel I dont want to hit page 200 and have to go back to the beginning to figure out which character is which,”

“They have a crystalline sense of right and wrong, ... it disappears when they walk out the door with their M.B.A.”

“These are all kids who are going to be growing up to vote. They have a much clearer idea of the kind of world they want to live in, ... I like to think sanity will prevail.”

“The central part of the state is more remote and less scenic, and theres a huge agricultural belt that stretches from the south of Lake Okeechobee to the border of Everglades National Park, where the restoration effort is being concentrated, ... Obviously the movement to save the Everglades runs up against agricultural concerns.”

“I am still a little awestruck,”

“Welcome to the exciting world of hurricane journalism! While your highly paid colleagues on the anchor desk are broadcasting from the dry safety of a heavily fortified television studio, you and your camera crew will be out in the maw of the storm, risking your lives for no good reason.”

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, Id be doing a hundred and twenty.

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.

I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.

as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. .....

Please dont grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. Thats a fact. Thats why the world is so messed up, Noah. Thats why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of em are men, and most of em lie like rugs

From the bow of the canoe she asked, Do you know a rain dance?First I need a virgin.

...Right now theres a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.You dont know that.Yeah, youre right, Stranahan said. Theyre probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.

Remember what happened last time with the cuda.

Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people cant stand a little silence.