Quotes by Andy Weir

As with most of lifes problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, Ill have to risk it.

Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”What do you know? I’m in command

Im calling it the Watney Triangle because after what Ive been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.

Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So Ill paraphrase for you:Me: This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) No. Youll fuck it up and die.So I took it apart.

How did I end up in this situation? Im the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?

Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air wont stay inside anymore.

WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).

Turns out even NASA cant improve on duct tape.

So what’s the point of it all?”“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

Im so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but thats not the point.

In other news, It’s seven sols till the harvest, and I still haven’t prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can’t just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause The Great Martian Potato Migration.

They hate you.Why?Cause youre a dick, Mitch.

When I was up there, stranded by myself, did I think I was going to die? Yes. Absolutely, and that’s what you need to know going in because it’s going to happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate. At some point everything is going to go south on you. Everything is going to go south and you’re going to say This is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math, you solve one problem. Then you solve the next one, and then the next and if you solve enough problems you get to come home.

Conclusion: I dont need the water reclaimer at all. Ill drink as needed and dump my waste outdoors. Yeah, thats right, Mars, Im gonna piss and shit on you. Thats what you get for trying to kill me all the time.

The NSA?Yeah, they called and offered to help out. Same software they use for enhancing spy satellite imagery.Venkat shrugged. Its amazing how much red tape gets cut when everyones rooting for one man to survive.

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?You got me, she said. He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.Funny, Venkat said. Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.Oh no, Mindy said. I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess Id have to use my masters degree for something else.I remember when you were shy.Im space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.

It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.

Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me.

I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).