Quotes by Amy Chua

But just because you love something, I added to myself, doesnt mean youll ever be great. Not if you dont work. Most people stink at the things they love.

The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable-even legally actionable-to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, Hey fatty-lose some weight. By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of health and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self image.

I’m not holding myself out as a model, but I do believe that we in America can ask more of children than we typically do, and they will not only respond to the challenge, but thrive.

As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.

There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that dont exist in Asia.

Once when I was young-maybe more than once-when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me garbage in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didnt damage my self esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didnt actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage. As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophie, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectful toward me. When I mentioned I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests. Oh dear, its just a misunderstanding. Amy was speaking metaphorically-right, Amy? you didnt actually call Sophie garbage.Um, yes I did. But its all in the context, I tried to explain. Its a Chinese immigrant thing.

There are many things the Chinese do differently from Westerners. There’s the question of extra credit, for example. One time, Lulu came home and told me about a math test she’d just taken. She said she thought it had gone extremely well, which is why she didn’t feel the need to do the extra-credit problems.I was speechless for a second, uncomprehending. “Why not?” I asked. “Why didn’t you do them?”“I didn’t want to miss recess.”A fundamental tenet of being Chinese is that you always do all of the extra credit all of the time.“Why?” asked Lulu, when I explained this to her.For me this was like asking why I should breathe.“None of my friends do it,” Lulu added.“That’s not true,” I said. “I’m 100% sure that Amy and Junno did the extra credit.” Amy and Junno were the Asian kids in Lulu’s class. And I was right about them; Lulu admitted it.“But Rashad and Ian did the extra credit too, and they’re not Asian,” she added.“Aha! So many of your friends did do the extra credit! And I didn’t say only Asians do extra credit. Anyone with good parents knows you have to do the extra credit. I’m in shock, Lulu. What will the teacher think of you? You went to recess instead of doing extra credit?” I was almost in tears. “Extra credit is not extra. It’s just credit. It’s what separates the good students from the bad students.Aww - recess is so fun, Lulu offered as her final sally. But after that, Lulu, like Sophia. always did the extra credit. Sometimes the girls got more points on extra credit than on the test itself - an absurdity that would never happen in China. Extra credit is one reason that Asian kids get such notoriously good grades in the United States.Rote drilling is another. Once Sophia came in second on a multiplication speed test, which her fifth grade teacher administered every Friday. She lost to a Korean boy named Yoon-seok. Over the next week, I made Sophia do twenty practice tests (of 100 problems each) every night, with me clocking her with a stopwatch. After that, she came in first every time. Poor Yoon-seok. He went back to Korea with his family, but probably not because of the speed test.

You know, parenting is so personal. And were all afraid that we didnt quite get it right. And it feels like the stakes are so high. By we - what if we made a mistake?

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried to find the balance between the strict, traditional Chinese way I was raised, which I think can be too harsh, and what I see as a tendency in the West to be too permissive and indulgent. If I could do it all again, I would, with some adjustments.

Happiness is not always through success. Equally, the constant pursuit of success is sure unhappiness. But we have to find the balance. My own thoughts are that parenting is very personal. And we all feel enormous insecurity about parenting. What are they going to think of us 20 years down the line?

I sort of feel like people are not that honest about their own parenting. Take any teenage household tell me there is not yelling and conflict.

Tiger parenting is all about raising independent, creative, courageous kids. In America today, theres a dangerous tendency to romanticize creativity in a way that may undermine it.

I do not think there was anything abusive in my house. Yet, I stand by a lot of my critiques of Western parenting. I think theres a lot of questions about how you instill true self-esteem.

To be honest, I know that a lot of Asian parents are secretly shocked and horrified by many aspects of Western parenting.

I think there are many ways to raise great kids. From what I can tell, Ayelet Waldmans kids are interesting, strong, and happy, and if thats the case, thats good parenting.

The Chinese mom is not the helicopter mom. I would never do their homework for them. Its all about: Take responsibility, dont blame others. Be self-reliant. Never blame the teacher.

I do believe that when your child does poorly on a test, your first step should not necessarily be to attack the teacher or the schools curriculum. It should be to look at the idea that, maybe, the child didnt work hard enough.

I think the biggest difference is that Ive noticed Western parents seem much more concerned about their childrens psyches, their self-esteem, whereas tough immigrant parents assume strength rather than fragility in their children and therefore behave completely differently.

Genghis Khan decreed religious tolerance for all of his conquered peoples. So I think he definitely would approve of our constitutional protections of freedom of religion. I think he would also approve of the way the U.S. has been able to attract talented people from all over the world.

I once won a second prize in a history concert. My parents came to the ceremony. Somebody else had won the prize for best all-around student. Afterwards my father said to me, Never, ever disgrace me like that again. When I tell my Western friends, they are aghast. But I adore my father. It didnt knock my self-esteem at all.