Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

“LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.”

“PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.”

“NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.”

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

“Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.”

“ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.”

“Envy is the result of the effect that you have made on someone elses life, whether they want to accept it or not.”

“Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.”

“While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.”

“RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.”

“CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogito ergo sum_ --whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: _Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum_ --I think that I think, therefore I think that I am; as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.”

“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.”

“Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.”

“Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.”

“Age: that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit”

“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you havent committed.”

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.”

“There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.”

“The biggest dog has been a pup”