I have realized that part of being Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for yourself in order to be self-sufficient. Theres nothing especially brave about wandering dark streets with no flashlight, but we are not supposed to need help, even from light. We are supposed to be capable of anything. I like that. Because there might come a day when there is no flashlight, there is no gun, there is no guiding hand. And I want to be ready.
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I didnt scream I wasnt afraid. I knew I was strong enough to survive it all.
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Pain had a way of breaking time down. I thought about the next minute, the next hour. There wasnt enough space in my mind to put all those pieces together, to find words to summarise the whole of it. But the keep going part, I knew the words for.P151
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Some days are harder than others, but I am ready to live each one of them. I cant sacrifice myself, this time.
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There was only one option left, and it was letting go.
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My mother wasnt a fool, I say. She just understood something you didnt. That its not sacrifice if its someone elses life youre giving away, its just evil.I back up another step and say, She taught me all about real sacrifice. That it should be done from love, not misplaced disgust for another persons genetics. That it should be done from necessity, not without exhausting all other options. That it should be done for people who need your strength because they dont have enough of their own. ...
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Caleb told me that our mother said there was evil in everyone, and the first step to loving someone else is to recognize that evil in ourselves, so we can forgive them.
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You’re the one who has to live whit your choice she says.Everyone else will get over it, move on, no matter what you decide. But you never will.
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Ingenuity requires creativity.
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We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you.
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I just wanted to thank you he says, his voice low.A group of scientists told you that my genes were damaged, that there was something wrong with me - they showed you the test results that proved it. And even I started to believe it. He touches my face, his thumb skimming my cheekbone, and his eyes are on mine, intense and insistent.You never believed it, he says Not for a second. You always insisted I was... I dont know, whole.
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Its strange how a word, a phrase, a sentence, can feel like a blow to the head.
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Maybe time would not feel as heavy if I didnt have this guilt - the guilt of knowing the truth and stuffing it down where no one can see it.
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It would be nice if life worked this way, stripping the dirt from our lives and sending us back out into the world clean. But some dirt is destined to lingered.
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I laugh, and it’s laughter, not light, that casts out the darkness building within me, that reminds me I am still alive, even in this strange place whereeverything I’ve ever known is coming apart. I know some things—I know that I’m not alone, that I have friends, that I’m in love. I know where I came from. I know that I don’t want to die, and for me, that’s something—more than I could have said a few weeks ago.
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I laugh, and its laughter, not light, that casts out the darkness building within me, that reminds me I am still alive, even in this strange place where everything Ive ever known is coming apart.
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I hear something in her words thats right, but its hard to believe her right now.
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In that moment I’m able to accept the inevitability of how I feel, though not with joy. I need to talk to someone. I need to trust someone. And for whatever reason, I know, I know it’s her.
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A son says to his Mother: Mother, today I fought with my friend.His Mother says: Why did you fight with your friend?Because he demanded something of me, and I would not give it to him.Why did you not give it to him?Because it was mine.My son, you now have possessions, but you do not have your friend. Which would you rather have?My friend.Then give freely, trusting that you will also be given what you need.
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I think about pressing myself against him, but I cant, because all our secrets would keep a space between us.
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