Quotes by Scott Adams

“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”

“The only risk of failure is promotion.”

“You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.”

“Why arent you signed up for the 401K? Id never be able to run that far”

“There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as nutty methods. Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as a complete waste of time.”

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

“One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead”

“One oh shit can erase a thousand attaboys”

“If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how its done.”

“The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.”

“Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge”

“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs”

“We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.”

“If a jobs worth doing, its too hard.”

“Lets form proactive synergy restructuring teams.”

“Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.”

“Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.”

“The longer you work here, diverse it gets”

“In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. Its called Karoshi. I dont want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.”

“Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.”