Quotes by Roseanne Barr

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.”

“Old or young, healthy as a horse or a person with a disability that hasnt kept you down, man or woman, Native American, native born, immigrant, straight or gay -- whatever; the test ought to be I believe in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence. I believe in religious liberty. I believe in freedom of speech. I believe in working hard and playing by the rules. Im showing up for work tomorrow. Im building that bridge to the 21st century. That ought to be the test.”

“The most successful marriages, gay or straight, even if they begin in romantic love, often become friendships. Its the ones that become the friendships that last.”

“The white, the Hispanic, the black, the Arab, the Jew, the woman, the Native American, the small farmer, the businessperson, the environmentalist, the peace activist, the young, the old, the lesbian, the gay and the disabled make up the American quilt.”

“Americans know as much about Canada as straight people do about gays. Americans arrive at the border with skis in July, and straight people think that being gay is just a phase. A very long phase.”

“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”

“Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space well take up, and the more well have to be reckoned with.”

“The quickest way to a mans heart is through his chest.”

“Im not going to vacuum til Sears makes one you can ride on”

“Know how to do anything - I’m a mom”

“I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, Ive done my job.”

“I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people...thats why I dont like any of them.”

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.

I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then Ive done my job.

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull wont hit you because you are a vegetarian.

We never get sick of each other. Thats how sick we are.

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later youre married to a couch that burps.