Quotes by Ron White

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, its being true to their nature... thats what takes a long time to learn.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mines putting in an express lane.

The bulk of my fans are my age, and Im aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but its addicting, really.

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I cant even spell. I dont even have a high school diploma. Im smart, but you cant prove it on paper.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

All I know how to do is take whats on my mind and spit it out funny. I dont know what else I could do besides comedy.

I didnt get where I am today by worryin about how Id feel tomorrow.

Ive got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called Jayne Mansfields Car. I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, Im not even a 10th of this man.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.