Quotes by Paula Poundstone

Im thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I dont need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

Im thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

Im thankful for Sarah Palins vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

I dont have a bank account because I dont know my mothers maiden name.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, Mom, they werent trying to teach you how to swim.

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

“It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.”