Quotes by Paula Hawkins

Hollowness: that I understand. Im starting to believe that there isnt anything you can do to fix it. Thats what Ive taken from the therapy sessions: the holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps

I want to drag knives over my skin, just to feel something other than shame, but Im not even brave enough for that

To have my hopes raised and dashed again, its like cold steel twisting in my gut.

We tell our stories differently, dont we, you and I?

I wake abruptly, my breath jagged and heart racing, my mouth stale, and I know immediately thats it. Im awake. The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be.

Im well aware that there is no job more important than that of raising a child, but the problem is that it isnt valued.

A tiding of magpies: One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told

I want to drag knives over my skin, just so that I can feel something other than shame, but Im not even brave enough to do that.

The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps.

Life and light will not let me be.

Thats my fault, of course, because I behaved stupidly, like a child, because I didnt like feeling rejected. I need to learn to lose a little better.

I sit there on the floor with the picture in front of me and think about how things get broken all the time by accident, and how sometimes you just dont get round to getting them fixed.

I dont remember things. I black out and I cant remember where Ive been or what Ive done. Sometimes I wonder if Ive done or said terrible things, and I cant remember. And if...if someone tells me something Ive done, it doesnt even feel like me. it doesnt feel like it was me who was doing that thing. And its so hard to feel responsible for something you dont remember. So I never feel bad enough. i feel bad, but the thing that ive done --its removed from me. Its like it doesnt belong to me.

I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.

So who do I want to be tomorrow?

Lets be honest: women are still only really valued for two things--their looks and their role as mothers. Im not beautiful, and I cant have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless.

Every time I think Im about to seize the moment, it drifts back into the shadows, just beyond my reach.

As for him feeling dead, thats probably just a consequence of him being gone from your life for so long. In some sense he no longer feels real to you.

If he does it with you, hell do it to you.

Whos to say that once I run, Ill find that isnt enough? Whos to say I wont end up feeling exactly the way I do right now-not safe, but stifled? Maybe Ill want to run again, and again, and eventually Ill end up back on those old tracks, because theres nowhere left to go. Maybe. Maybe not. You have to take the risk, dont you