Quotes by Paul Merton

I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and say, Hello, my names Paul, will you be my friend? But I found if I did an impression of the PE teacher or whatever and people laughed, then they did like me, and so then they started talking to me, rather than me making the initial overture and then maybe being rebuffed.

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I dont have to go and work at the civil service, I really think Ive won.

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasnt about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.