Quotes by Mindy Kaling

One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression. Its not like if youre in Los Angeles, where everyones so actively working on cheerfulness and mental and physical health that if they sense youre down, they shun you. Also, all that sunshine is a cruel joke when youre depressed. In New York, even in your misery, you feel like you belong.

I really think guys only need two pairs of shoes. A nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors.

(On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isnt on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how theyre thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before.

One of the unexpected and wonderfully fair things I have learned in my career is that if Hollywood were filled just with perfect-looking people, then soap operas would be the most-watched things in the world. But theyre not. Looks are great, but theyre not compelling enough. Ive noticed that successful actors with long careers are usually talented actors with charismatic screen presences, and all of them exude one thing: confidence.

People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That’s a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man’s touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I don’t understand how you could have self-confidence if you don’t do the work... I have never, ever, ever, met a high confident person and successful person who is not what a movie would call a workaholic. Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.

...write your own part. It is the only way Ive gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny into your own hands. It forces you to think about what your strengths really are, and once you find them, you can showcase them, and no one can stop you.

The expectation that TV women need to be more likeable than men is bullshit and in need of a change.

I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it.

In my entire life, I never once heard either of my parents say they were stressed. That was just not a phrase I grew up being allowed to say. That, and the concept of Me time.

I can’t for the life of me not eat something that I want to eat. You know how if you turned on a faucet in your sink to wash your hands, the idea of leaving the bathroom without turning it off is insane? That’s how I am about ignoring delicious food.

It was October 2001 and I lived in New York City. I was twenty two. I, like many of my female friends, suffered from a strange combination of post 9/11 anxiety and height of Sex and the City anxiety. They are distinct and unnerving anxieties. The questions that ran through my ming were something like this: Should I keep a gas mask in my kitchen? Am I supposed to be able to afford Manolo Blahnik shoes? What is Barneys New York? Youre trying to tell me a place called Barneys is fancy?Where are the fabulous gay friends that I was promised? Gay guys hate me! Is this anthrax or powdered sugar? Help! Help!

when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.

Its sort of my go-to stock image of my childhood, actually. I think it has something to do with knowing Ill never be able to go back to that time that makes me cry every time I listen to it.

Every couple of months or so, some boundary breaking article comes out in a nationally published magazine. The article makes a big thesis statement about relationships. Like say how, women don’t need men anymore, or how if you’re a woman over thirty-five, you should just settle with whatever guy is half-way nice to you, or how monogamy is not feasible, or plausible, or enjoyable, for any human. And we should all be swingers, or a study is released that say’s, you don’t have to love your kids anymore or something. They’re the kind of articles that are e-mailed everywhere and I get them forwarded to me about eight times. I will read one of these articles and immediately afterward I’m so swept up in it, I can’t help but think Yes, Yes, that is one-hundred percent right. Finally! Someone has confirmed that little voice in the back of my mind that has always not loved my kids, or I’m so happy I’m that much closer to my swinging lifestyle I’ve always secretly been craving. I’m normal and now it’s a national discussion and others agree and I can feel normal now. But then, a week later I’m thinking, I hate this. I feel awful. This wretched little magazine article has helped convinced more open minded liberal arts graduates that, the nuclear family doesn’t exist without some hideous twist, like the dad is allowed to go to an S & M dungeon once a week or something. It makes me cry because it means that fewer and fewer people are believing it’s cool to want what I want, which is to be married and have kids and love each other in a monogamous, long-lasting relationship.

What I didnt need was some hot-and-cold long-distance flake wasting my time. It hurt my feelings and made me feel like something was wrong with me.

This story didnt end in fireworks, because the truth is, fireworks are something from my twenties. I could have made fireworks, but I chose to make a nuanced memory of a person who is neither a hero nor a villain in my life.

Your girlfriends sibling or parents might be totally nuts, but always defend them. Always. All a girl wants to do is to get along with her family and if you are on the side of making it easy, you will be loved eternally. It might be easier to condemn them - especially if shes doing that already - but, remarkably, even if they are murderers, she will find the good in them, especially if you start trashing them.

Itd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if its totally obvious to everyone that I did it.

Haley and I would talk for hours about which member of N Sync wed want to marry. After long deliberation, the answer was always J. C. Chasez. JoeyFatones last name was going to be “Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didnt know at theirage that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed hed make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin Timberlake, well, JT was the coolest and hottest, but too flashy, so we couldnt trust him to be faithful. J. C. Chasez was the smart compromise.

Im the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet. It has worked well so far.